He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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