I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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