bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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