I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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