do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
