We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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