i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm bleeding and have questions
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
