problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
