they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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