i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
