I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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