omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
