Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
