I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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