WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
