we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
