The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
