You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
