So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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