The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
