Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I can't turn off my feet"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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