don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
