I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
