Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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