The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I am available for nakedness
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