My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
this beer tastes like vomit already
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
