Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
