I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I'm really busy with my period
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