You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
