He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
