I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
