I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
