I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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