I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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