I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
