i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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