If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
