So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
