he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
