I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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