We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
