don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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