their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
