Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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