i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
