Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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