Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
