you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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