i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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