no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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